Pink Bath Towels, The Closet, and Ballad
by GoTheDistance
Summary: This is somewhat of a sequel to Victoria1127's Beautiful Monsters.  In this fic Rachel finds mother and daughter have similar taste.  Kurt and Finn do something neither of them ever thought they would do. Brittany gets close to her favorite animal. CRACK


**AN: I wrote this after staying up all night. Unbeta'd and pretty crackish.**

**I don't own Glee. If I did we would know who's playing Kurt's boyfriend right now, and have pictures of them kissing. That or Kinn or St. Hummel would work.**

**I also don't own Victoria1127's Beautiful Monsters. **

When Mr. Schuster saw the student's Gaga video and the footage from the concert he was impressed. But he was also jealous of Kurt. He wanted to be the one making out with Finn. But then Will thought about it, and he had Kendra to make out with, and Puck was right; she was really good in bed.

Will decided to announce to the club that they would go Gaga again for Regionals. He saw that it was fit since Lady Gaga seemed to like their routine. He'd just have to work the other boys in somehow. Will was sure they wouldn't mind it.

Rachel sighed. Finn dumped her again, so to get over her recent breakup she went to Sheets'n'Things to drown her sorrow with buying overpriced pink bath towels.  
Then she saw him - Howard Bamboo.  
"Howard, I have no idea why I am telling you this. But I find your nose oddly compelling. Never before have I seen such a nose on a face like yours. It fits you oh, so perfectly! " Rachel cooed while looking at the towels Howard was folding. He did his job very well if Rachel did say so herself.  
"Uh, thanks. "Howard said while looking up from the pink towel he was folding.  
"Howard, I know there is quite an age difference between us, but I think we could have something special. I'm just a heart broken girl, and you are just a seemingly single thirty-something male! It would work."  
"Rachel, I hate to break it to you, but I'm dating Shelby Corcoran."  
Rachel gasped and took a step backward. "YOU ARE DATING MY MOTHER!" She screamed.  
"Yeah. Sorry. You seem like a nice girl; you have her hair."

"Jesse, what the hell?" Finn demanded as Jesse pushed Finn, Kurt, and Puck in a closet.  
"This suit is Marc Jacobs! Damage it and you will be the male soprano!" Kurt said once Jesse shut the door.  
"If you want me to kiss dudes; I'm not down with that. Just sayin'." Puck added in.  
Jesse's eyes widened. "D-do you guys see that?"  
"See what?" Kurt had a bored tone in his voice. Like he wanted to get this over with.  
Jesse turned on the light and the situation was illuminated; Dumbledore – THE DUMBLEDORE, was making out with a giant squid. And the squid was a girl; Jesse could tell because he was Jesse St. James.  
"Is that the old dude from Harry Potter?" Finn was freaking out now. He just wanted to cuddle with Kurt.  
"Dumbledore! Gah, how can I call you my boyfriend and stepbrother if you can't identify an iconic Harry Potter character? I might just dumb you!"  
"I'm sorry, Kurt! I'm trying!"  
"Lovebirds," Puck cut in. "There is a giant fucking squid woman making out with a fictional character in here! And we all can see it. Either we're all high on some powerful shit, or something freaky is happening."

"Oh, don't mind us." The squid said.  
Wait, the squid said? They all paused. IT IS A TALKING SQUID!  
"Yes, if you boys want to join in you are more than welcome!" Dumbledore had a warm and inviting smile. None of the boys, not even Puck could deny him.

He was such a cute little duck, and to think Brittany thought she had made out with everything humanly possible! That included a capitol-G gay guy; Santana's left foot, Jacob Ben Israel's jewfro hair, and Rachel Berry's locker. But this was her first time making out with a duck, and she was excited; Brittany LOVED ducks.  
"Here ducky, ducky, ducky!" Brittany said with a sweetly seductive face.  
The duck waddled up to Brittany as she called for him.  
"Before I make out with you I need to name you… "Brittany thought about it for a minute, and then she decided that she would name the duck Ballad, since he was a boy duck. "Ballad. Okay, Ballad, I'm going to make out with you now.  
Brittany smiled at the duck making eye contact, and grabbed its neck. She rubbed her fingers down the duck's soft feathers, she leaned in closer, but the duck backed away; she tried to plant a kiss on Ballad's beak, but he bit her nose instead. Brittany cried out in pain, and then she decided that Ballad was not a very nice duck. Even Rachel's locker let her make out with it, so did her cat! Brittany's cat was the first person she made out with now that she thought about it. She was four years old.  
Brittany may not be able to remember her middle name sometimes or her last name most of the time, but she remembers all the people she has made out with.  
Brittany tried unsuccessfully for a good thirty minutes to make out with that mean duck Ballad, but he was such a tease! Finally he got tired and let Brittany make out with him. Now Brittany had a new number one on people she's made out with; Ballad the duck. (If you were wondering Kurt was second and Santana was third)

The next day at school Will was well rehearsed at how he was going to deliver the Gaga news to New Directions. (Kendra told him one night that his show choir name sounded like 'Nude Erections', but Will said she was just dirty minded) "Gaga! Regionals New Directions goes Gaga!" Will was rehearsing to himself in his office.  
The students stated filing in, and they were having various conversations as they were entering.

"Puck, dude, I don't know what happened…" Finn was at a loss for words. He did _not_ mean to get a boner when making out with Puck. The only dude he liked kissing was Kurt.  
"Don't worry dude, I like you like that too." Puck had a reassuring wink.  
"So, we are over?" Kurt was shocked and felt like punching Finn right now, or maybe Dumbledore. Dumbledore, yes, he was the one that got them in this huge mess here. If Dumbledore didn't start his big gay orgy (Jesse lied, that was not a female squid!) then he still would be with Finn, and he wouldn't know what a great kisser Jesse was. And how good Jesse was a- _ No, Kurt! Don't think that about Jesse. He was just a onetime thing. He doesn't even go here anymore! He humiliated Rachel. No. Bad Kurt!  
_  
"So, I made out with a duck at the park yesterday!" Brittany told Santana with a proud smile.  
Santana just rolled her eyes.

"So, glee clubbers," Will had his characteristic overly optimistic tone as he spoke. "I went to your [i]_ Gaga [/i]_ concert and I loved it! It inspired me to say that New Directions is going Gaga for regionals!"  
Everyone who was involved in the video/concert cheered.  
"What about the dudes who didn't do it?" Matt had a rare moment of public speech with that question.  
"We all will be doing Gaga! Even if just as background dancers, oh, and all the guys will be in pairs. Kurt and Finn, Puck and Artie, and Matt and Mike. Go Gaga!"  
Will picked the guy-guy couples based on wish level. He first saw Kurt when he went butch, and those were some of the worst moments in Will's teaching career, Will loved the chemistry Puck and Artie had; he wished he had that chemistry with someone, but Will did love Kendra. Will just shoved Mike and Matt together since he really didn't care for them.

Over the next week Finn and Puck somehow fell madly in love; their bromance turned romance would make Karaofsky and Azimio blush.  
Kurt tried to get over Finn and get Jesse off of his mind, but it was hard. Jesse's lush curly hair hunted Kurt's dreams at night; it was scary how appealing Jesse was to his teenage hormones.  
Jesse was thinking about Kurt too, but he would never admit it out loud. Jesse loved the way Kurt threatened him when Kurt's suit was in danger. God, that was sexy. And damnit, Kurt was just sexy in general.  
And somehow all of these thoughts lead them to a storage closet in Sheets'n'Things. And apparently Dumbledore and the squid were in there too, but this time it wasn't as freaky.

"Oh, Howard!" Shelby giggled as Howard put the key in the door for the storage closet. "It was so romantic of you to plan a picnic in the storage closet of your work."  
"All for the girl I love." Howard had a look of love on his face.  
What Shelby and Howard walked in on would be scarred in their brains forever. Four boys, a man that looked like Dumbledore and a giant squid were in various positions and various stages of undressing in the storage closet. And the worst thing was that they ate Howard's picnic, and one small boy was lying on the blanket while pinned under a curly haired boy. This was a disaster!  
"This isn't funny, Howard." Shelby's face fell to a frown. "I'm done with you! This is not a date; it's sick! And Jesse, you know the Vocal Adrenaline duck Ballad likes the color blue. rule!"  
"Don't make out with the competition unless given orders by Ms. Corcoran." Jesse nodded.  
"Well, what are you doing?" Shelby was now glaring at Kurt who was blushing like crazy.  
"Making out with Kurt Hummel, but he's not the completion, since his angel voice is gonna take New Directions all the way! We should just quit now, because when this boy sings it's amazing!"  
Shelby just walked out of Sheets'n'Things as fast as she could to get away from all the nutjobs that were surrounding her. She felt like she was the only sane one around here.

Howard closed the closet door, but decided not to lock it. When he turned around Rachel Berry was standing there, and now Howard decided to take her up on her offer.

Brittany's duck Ballad likes the color blue.


End file.
